You can do it

I’m beyond outrage and have said everything within – and even beyond - the bounds of propriety about George Bush and his war in Iraq. Since my goal is to build and store bile until the 2008 election cycle, I have little to add to my displeasure with the president over the coming months; besides, Ted Kennedy and other Democrats are giving voice to my complaints and there’s little need for me to pile on. But I do want to maintain your interest until the time comes to gear up for the big one that will send the decider back to Crawford and let him settle on what brush must face the machete.

Since I am a professional novelist, I thought you might find some of my experiences and observations about writing interesting. This especially true since I make enough money from my royalties to indulge each of my grandchildren with half of a pizza (medium) and a soft drink (small) every year. I’m actually one of the better sellers among present day American novelists, so don’t give up your day job until you hear me out.

Should every one of my readers give authoring a novel a try? That’s for each of them to decide; George Bush won’t help with this one. You should consider, however, that more than 10,000 novels come on the market each year, and most of them, like mine don’t make much – or even any - money for the owners of their rights. In addition, tens of thousands additional tall tales fail even to make into print every year. Are you clear on my point? This isn’t really something that most people can do to keep the wolf at bay. Do not give notice or describe in detail the talents of your bosses until you have a satisfactory publication advance in hand – make that cashed and in your account.

Let me begin by saying it’s easier to get published today than ever before. You write it; it can be printed. I self published my first book, A Tattered Coat Upon A Stick. I had a fairly high opinion of it but couldn’t get a single agent or publisher or agent to even read it. Had they read and rejected it, I might have given up and there never would have been the market for half pepperoni and half onion and green pepper pizzas that has surged since I plunged. The cost of self publication is small and has never been easier; more on this in a later posting.

My three published novels represent but the tip of the iceberg. I began by attempting to be a commercial novelist and wrote two thrillers. They weren’t bad, but let me tell you the people who successfully write in this genre are very good, very competitive and very well connected. After looking over the products I was seeking to displace, I concluded that I wasn’t up to the task. I’m proud to say that draft copies of these two great books along with hundreds of rejection slips make up a significant part of the highest point on the South Coast of Massachusetts. Methane from these rotters will be lighting homes in the Bay State for decades to come. Those trees did not die completely in vain.

But should you attempt such a work for your personal satisfaction? Why not? The Young and the Restless, the soap opera my wife has been watching for more than thirty years, preaches that everyone has at least one novel in them and there is almost always one author in residence on the set at all times. It appears that a working writer provides the show the necessary gravitas to keep the homebound intellectuals glued to their chairs with minimal guilt.

My friends, after much private laughter, now treat me as if I am a real writer, albeit one who starves. A thick skin and a decade of work will do that for you. I can remember the shame and unworthiness felt when I told the local bookstore owner that I was a writer and wanted to have a signing for my self published masterpiece. She didn’t laugh in my face although there were same strange noises emanating from the back room when she excused herself to get writing material.

I’ll drop it here and pick it up next time. Perhaps Home Depot can provide our motto: “You can do it; we can help.”

Blog on!

Wild Bill