Carnac the Magnificent

With the death this week of late night host Johnny Carson, those of us who watched him for years were saddened by his loss and the reminder of our own mortality. But sadness should not lead to despair. As Johnny borrowed liberally from his predecessors, like his own hero, Jack Benny, so others borrow from him. As we recognize these techniques in a new generation of comedians, we can take comfort and smile that nothing is ever really lost and gone forever.

You recall how with the great red and gold combination pillow and turban, Carnac the Magnificent could divine the answer to any question without the need of reading or hearing the query. Thus, “Sis-boom-baa,” was the answer to the yet to be asked, “What sounds does an exploding sheep make?”

And you thought we’d never hear such cleverness again. Silly reader.

The answers by George are: “The Iraqi people are better off without Saddam.” “Condi Rice will make a great Secretary of State and should be confirmed without delay.” “Al Gonzalez will make a great Attorney General and should be confirmed without further delay.”

Give up? Okay, I won’t tease you any longer; here are the questions in order:

“Since all of the reasons you gave for attacking Iraq turned out to be wrong and we’ve lost almost two thousand American lives, more than ten thousand of our troops have been wounded, almost twenty thousand Iraqi civilians have been killed, we poured more than two hundred billion dollars into the desert sand, and we’ve lost our focus on the War on Terror, was the Iraq War worth fighting?”

“Since Secretary Designate Rice withheld information from the Congress, press and public on the uses of the aluminum tubes acquired by Iraq before the war, and completely misrepresented the threat posed by Iraq, should she not be rejected by the Senate?”

“Since Attorney General Designate Gonzalez was the architect of a policy to undermine the Geneva Convention’s prohibition on the torture of those in our custody, and since he refused to explain his role in this to the Senate Judiciary Committee, should he not be rejected by the full Senate?”

Clearly dear reader our period of mourning for Johnny should be shortened as we realize that his best routines will never die.

Blog on!

Wild Bill